


Visibility

by jossujb_OLD_FICS_ONLY (jossujb)



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Forgiveness, Lies, M/M, Season/Series 08, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-23
Updated: 2011-11-23
Packaged: 2017-11-19 07:27:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/570727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jossujb/pseuds/jossujb_OLD_FICS_ONLY
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being an enemy is better than being nothing at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Visibility

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this sometime last year, no-one did beta-reading for me, so all remaining mistakes are my own. But you know, might as well upload all stuff to this account now that I'm in. I wrote this around the opening of 8th season, just knowing promos for the second episode, so obviously it's now rather AU.

Wilson wouldn't have anything to do with him anymore. And this time he didn't even run away, as that would have been almost merciful after an year not seeing him anyway. House could have just pretended he's gone someplace else, for a holiday or a lifelong business trip, and fool his own brain to think he's eventually coming back. That they'd still be friends.

But Wilson is still  _here._  Strolling same hallways, eating at the same table they used to sit together, getting up and down at the same elevator. They don't talk to each other anymore. Or at least, Wilson won't. House tries though, he uses different tactics, like being polite (well, as polite as Gregory House is capable), or howling in anger, demanding answers. But Wilson will look pass him, like he's not even there. He's drifting away on purpose.

House never knew Wilson could be that cruel.

And now he's degenerated from a best friend to invisibility itself. Often it feels like Wilson couldn't even see House, no matter how furious or pompous he was acting.

Though Wilson had every right to be disappointed at him. House had never let himself to believe everything would just simply slide back into normality once he's out of prison. He never expected lazy Friday movie nights with popcorn and booze anytime soon.

_"We're not friends anymore",_ echoed in his ears. Words he never expected to hear either. Though Wilson is probably being just like any sensible man should be. Getting rid of people who treat him like garbage. That's so  _fucking_  wise, he should have done that a decade ago House thought with gathering anger, trying to find some reason to justify insisting Wilson to stop doing what he's doing, but there's nothing to find whatsoever. He hates nothing more.

And he's talking to Wilson again. And image of him, a ghost, memory, whatever. Maybe he's in the room even, or perhaps not, and it doesn't matter. Wilson wouldn't be listening even if he were. But House talks or yells at him often like this, trying to explain things that have no explanations. He asks for  _forgiveness_ , without being really  _sorry_.

Or maybe he is sorry, but not for the right reasons anyway.

"I'm not asking you to become my best buddy again. I'm a moron, but not moronic enough to fool myself with stupid fairy-tales."

No-one answers. What's the point?

"What do you want for me, you  _pathetic_  goodie two-shoes? You want to see  _how_  sorry I am, well screw that!", House yelled at the ceiling like it was God he was challenging, even though he had no intentions to turn towards imaginary beings.

"I  _DO_  wish I hadn't done the things I did,  _I DO, I DO, I DO_  wish I hadn't hurt you, or Cuddy or  _fucking_  anybody. I wish I hadn't messed up so many miserable things in my life and dragged everyone into this shithole, but I cannot feel remorse just because I should! I'm a sick fuck, you knew that.  _You fucking knew that!_ "

In the end House's rant sounded more like a loud mutter mixed with unknown hiccups he definitely refused to call cries. He  _was not_  weeping like a twelve-year old girl. But in fact he was howling like someone was performing a bypass surgery on him without anesthectics. Well now, who is pathetic here really?

"I  _can't_  stand this, why couldn't you just hate me? I cannot bear this  _invisibility_  anymore."

His last sentence was quiet and pleading, unlike anything that has ever come out of his mouth.

Room was quiet.

Until it answered.

"You  _really_  wish I'd rather hate than just ignore you?" said Wilson, in a calming voice, and House looked up and saw him in across the room. And he really was there, watching him and responding. House couldn't help but curl a little smile when he stepped closer.

"It drives me  _mad_ ", House claimed and his little smile widened into a devilish grin when Wilson didn't simply just exit, but rolled his eyes instead like million times before when there were lesser things than entire friendships on stake.

"You're just a big attention whore now aren't you?"

Wilson's voice sounded very harsh, but his familiar posture gave him away. House felt like his chest was suddenly filled with light joy. Undeserved joy naturally, because he didn't deserve any niceties coming from anyone, not from Wilson at least. Though that didn't stop him from enjoying every single bit of it.

"Pff. And you find that surprising?" he said and just stared at Wilson wishing it wasn't just a hallucination fading away.

"I guess not. But you're crying."

There were tears in his eyes too.

"Am not."

"Are too."

Moment of silence. Deep breaths. House had stood up and stand now close to Wilson letting him to make the first move. Tentative touches. A hand sweeping his palm. A very wary trial of lips almost brushing the skin, leaving only warm shadow on cheek.

"Is this the point where you ask me to fell onto my knees and beg for your forgiveness?" House asked with his standard mock being deady serious beneath. And forced himself not to move an inch. He knew how fragile this moment was. Wilson was here, but what for really?  _He_ had decided against their weird needy friendship, and  _he'd_  been so effective House had actually believed he might not be visible for him ever again. It had been the end.

"I guess it is", Wilson whispered holding both of House's hands.

"I would just lie. You know that."

"Everybody lies."

There were a kiss. A brief one. Strong enough to wobble their feet. Wilson had always mastered the art of overloading all senses with his touch, or even with his look alone. The way he had denied even the pleasure of simple eye-contact had been killing House all this time. Simple hate would have been easier to cope, since at least it was direct and plain. Something House could get his kicks from, even if he didn't wish to loose his only friend. But being an enemy is better than being  _nothing at all_.

"I won't change", House told him harshly once the kiss had gone and left their lips tingling.

"I know", Wilson sighed and turned his head. "I just... I just need a lie to believe, okay? You now, because, I  _really_  can't continue pretending you're not here. You irritate my every nerve just by  _existing_. I'm not capable of cutting you off, even though I want to so bad."

And House cannot blame him from wishing that, not really. But he also cannot help feeling like a winner when he realizes they're stuck to each other, no matter what they try to convince themselves. Wilson had really meant when he said they were not friends anymore. But it seems that he forgot that they weren't  _just_  friends to beging with. Not any kind of normal friends anyway.

"We're such a pathetic pair of losers Wilson."

A little chuckle.

"Yeah."

Silence.

"I'm sorry Wilson."

It's a lie, of course it's a lie.

Or maybe he's sorry about crashing that car, blowing things up. Maybe he  _is_  sorry for being such an ass over the years, making him worry countless of times, using him, forcing him, taking his stuff, taking his pride and selfesteem away, but those are not the things Wilson wants to hear an apology for. He wants House to be sorry for  _who he is_ , and that's something he can't honestly do.

"Do you mean it?" Wilson asks.

"Sure", House twists his neck and gives another little kiss to a mouth that expects it. "Sure I do", he lies, and Wilson knows he does. People never really change, but sometimes it's just easier to let oneself believe they do.

 

**FIN**

 


End file.
